First Of The First- Diary, Jan 1, 2022

riva -

The first of the year. There were too many sequins tonight. I don't like crowds. I like music when it's so heavy that my heart vibrates. I want to feel like I'm dying. I am.

I should sleep more. I want to go to Cheesecake Factory. I'd like Ross Ulbricht to be out of jail. I want 100x more money. I want the upstairs of my loft to be wallpapered. I haven't found the right wallpaper yet.

I stare at my phone again. Sometimes I open an app and realize I was already on it. I am an unconscious algorithm. Sometimes I wonder if the internet is reshaping my neural circuitry. I imagine my brain physically blending with the GitHub repo of a product manager at Instagram.

I want to be beyond sovereignty. I'm no longer convinced that I believe in democracy. I understand why Erdoğan turned Hagia Sophia into a mosque. I still think about DJ Mehdi falling off that balcony in Paris. None of these sentences are related.

I like to play with words. Sometimes at night I see them. I carry them off my tongue and visualize them in the air. My favorite word is Chasm. I like it when someone's cadence is rhythmic. I want you to feel the beat of my heart. I wish I could communicate without talking. I need to learn Morse code. I'm going to listen to Amnesia Scanner. I know what e.e. cummings

was

trying to  do.

I know I like someone from their pace. Talking can be more sexy than fucking. I love F.Scott Fitzgerald. For opposite reasons I hope you read Mike Ma. I am haunted by the last line of The Great Gatsby. I read Tender is the Night at Hotel Du Cap Eden Roc after a tennis lesson. There is a hiking trail in Èze, France that is dedicated to Nietzsche. I imagine him seeing the horse beaten on the square, I can relate.

I saw a yacht called Important Business and got it tattooed on my wrist. I guess I'll never be buried in an Orthodox Jewish cemetery. I want to find a religion. I want a religion to find me. I'm listening to Maya Janes Coles Passing Me By. I can't believe it's the year two thousand and twenty-two. I want a castle in Southern France. I am too late to call my mother with the time difference. I want to go to Cheesecake Factory.

I want to feel it all.